🔮 What’s Your Summer Sip? The Snark Roast Coffee Personality Quiz (Without the Quiz)

Look, we all have a go-to drink order. But what if we told you that order says a lot about who you are—and not in a cute horoscope kind of way. We’re talking feral soda energy, espresso-fueled grudges, and cold brew coping mechanisms.

This summer, skip the actual quiz and let us call you out lovingly based on your drink choice. Here's what your Snark Roast order really says about you:

☕ If You Order Tiramisassy

You’re high-functioning chaos in a cute outfit.
You’ve got dessert in your mouth and drama in your calendar. Your toxic trait? Thinking coffee is a meal. Honestly, same.

🧊 If You Order Zero Chill Cold Brew (straight up)

You're not here to play. You're here to function.
Sleep? Never heard of her. Your vibe is “I don’t have time for this,” even when you absolutely do.

💗 If You Order Petty in Pink

You’re the friend who sends screenshots and says, “Thoughts?”
Bubbly, flirty, and slightly unhinged—you’re everyone’s favorite until you’re not. And you like it that way.

😎 If You Order Shady Beach

You live for passive-aggressive compliments and sunless tanning mousse.
You’re the reason the group chat is still entertaining. If vibes were a currency, you’d be a billionaire.

🍫 If You Order Moody Mocha Madness

You’ve cried at least once this week and you’re leaning into it.
Your music taste? Sad and sexy. Your coffee? Strong and frothy. Your therapist? Tired.

🧃 If You Order Sour About It

You have main character energy with a villain origin story.
You bite your straw. You love chaos. And you 100% have a favorite conspiracy theory.

🍓 If You Order Strawbitchy Energy

You’re cute, but don’t test you.
You say “I’m fine” with a smile that means you’re one text away from blocking someone. You’re the glitter and the threat.

🏝️ If You Order Dubai, Felicia

You’ve got expensive taste and no regrets.
You work hard, brunch harder, and ghost people professionally. This drink has luxury energy—and so do you.

🎯 The Point?

Whether you’re a cold brew cult leader, soda sipper with rage issues, or an espresso elitist, we’ve got a drink (and a diagnosis) for you.

Swing by Snark Roast Coffee at the East Longmeadow Farmers Market every Saturday from 9AM–1PM and order your personality in a cup. Or try something totally new and spark a summer identity crisis. We support that.

✨ P.S.

Follow us on Instagram @SnarkRoastCoffee and tag your drink choice. We’re absolutely judging you… but like, in a supportive way.

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